Summary
HEAR ye! Hear ye! I have decreed that our esteemed neighbours, the English, are welcome to Dr John Rottweiler, minister for meddling, who in 1999 was anointed Scotland's champion smoker. It was Dr Rottweiler, the Cabinet's official mole tells me, who has ensured that England will remain cancerous for many years to come. Thanks to him, pubs which do not serve food will be allowed to opt out of the ban on smoking, which the current health secretary, Patty Hewitt, seemed to think was an idea whose time had come.
Inwardly fuming, Ms Hewitt got up early to defend the cock-up on Today, with my spluttering chum John Humphrys. "What, " pitched Humpho for starters, "constitutes food?" Ms Hewitt gave a wee squeal. "Is a bag of crisps, " essayed Humpho, "food?" "Dinnae be silly, " snorted the Blair babe sotto voce.See the full content of this document
Extract
When Crisp Denials Fail Alan Taylor's Diary
"Crisps are what allow Gary Lineker to live in the manner to which he has become accustomed."
Humpho swallowed and came back for more. "Is, " he tried again, "a cheese sandwich food?" For a horrible moment, Ms Hewitt must have thought he was going to go through the entire contents of her shopping trolley. "Food, " she volunteered, "is a complex matter, which only someone with a brain the size of His Blairness...See the full content of this document
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